Tonite my dears is Eddie Izzard. Tonite I will drool. I will laugh a laugh like no other. I will jab the boy as we share laughter together and comfort in knowing that we both "got the joke." If Eddie should ever say the word "bees", I shall be done for and will truly be...."ROFL." Plain and simple. I shall dress for success and comfort and make sure my shirt is easily removed for flashing or boob signing, whichever should come first. I will chicken out but will continue laughing anyway. Tonite, the boy and I will consider menage a trois as we watch the comedy god strut across the stage. Of course, the boy will never actually think that, but I just might. I think I already did. And now, I leave you with some words:

Eddie Izzard:
"I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup."

"I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less."

"Never put a sock in a toaster."

"So my choice is 'Or Death?' "

"I'm a one-man idiot"

"I'm an Action Transvestite"

"They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash' "

"Danger could be my middle name but it's John."

"What, in fact, is an evil giraffe? I will eat all the leaves on this tree. I will eat more leaves than I should. And then other giraffes may die. Ah ha ha ha. I am an evil herbivore."

"I like my women like I like my coffee....covered in beeeees!"

"Birds don't have flying dreams. They would be boring for birds. Birds must have car driving dreams....Hey, you're speeding Mr. Feathers! Fuck off! I'm a bird!"

"If they've got a bazooka, don't run away because it's easier to hit someone from a distance. Run towards them...and grab hold of them."