"White boys, make some noise!" is what the guy in the SUV super stretch limo said last nite when we were next to him at a stop light.
I woke up at approximately 10am yesterday morning. My body was in some serious what the hell did you do last nite pain. That's about when I was writing the entry for yesterday. I recalled the nite before when the asst. was getting into a cab (cause she came to the show as well on friday) that she hollered at me "You're going to work tomorrow right?" I said "What? When?" and then her cab drove off.
So I managed to sit around on my tail until about 130 when my "boss" called and told me to go ahead in and make some lampshades. I said fine and waited for my number to come up for the shower. All in all I didn't get there until 330 and I had to leave by 6ish to get home in time to get ready for va va. So after my hour long trip over into williamsburg, since I go back into Manhattan to get there, I arrive at the shop to discover that the order of new material was all wrong. Weeeeeee. So I spent 2 and a half hours making some lamp shades out of the wrong material so she could see that it was, in fact, the wrong material.
Let's jump ahead shall we? So I leave the shop and head home. The boy and I pick up a quick bite to eat and I rest for a while before getting ready for the nite at the fez. Our friend Durky shows up because he's coming with the boy to see the show. Im still pretty exhausted at this point but I manage to work up the energy to get myself dressed and walk out the door. The boys were going to follow up about an hour behind me because I have to get there early of course.
So I get off the train at Bleeker st. and somehow manage to get myself lost. Am I so tired that I can't even find the place that I've worked at twice and walked by a million times? I manage to get myself over on Broadway and then I get angry. How in the hell did I get myself lost. So eventually I bump into a couple cops who point me in the right direction and I finally find the club.
When I arrive, the woman who runs the show is in semi frantic mode saying "we're sold out!" and so Im suddenly thrown into wake the hell up mode and get everything done at hyper speed. I write the show order out on 5 sheets of paper, I hang them up strategically around the backstage area (which also doubles as the permanent employee's locker room space for when they've finished their shift), I get everyone's guest list names and send them to the woman at the door, set up the runway and shim it so it's even and get all the music together in record time.
The house opens and I'm left standing backstage (in the lockeroom) just kind of staring and waiting.
The show finally begins and it was the beginning of an extraordinary evening at the va va voom room. There were what seemed to be a ton of wedding parties there last nite. Atleast two. There were a ton of drunk people and even a heckler. We opened up the evening with a fabulous singer named Diamond who brings back the taste of Harlem as he sings in his three piece suit and chain.
The second act I just haaaaad to get involved in. It was a woman, Stephanie, of whom I'd never met before. When I asked her if she had any props she needed for her performance she said yes and I need you to hold my fake mirror up for me. I think, "swell, that's just where I should be tonite is on stage." So her act comes up and I set up the table and hold up the mirror as miss Stephanie begins getting ready for a nite out. She chooses her perfume, her bracelet and earrings but somehow something's missing. Oh right! The nails that go up her nose! So she grabs a couple 3 inch nails and little tack hammer and whammo, up they go, 2 to each nostril. Im telling you, this is the neatest job I have had by far.
So the third act was Bratwurst, the ukelele playing man child. He wore a cute little kid outfit complete with hat and sang with his ukelele. Turned out this was the boys favorite piece. "Dude! The chicken fucker song was HILARIOUS!" and of course he said this a few more times throughout the rest of the evening as he excelled far past the two drink minimum.
The 4th piece was probably my favorite last nite. A woman who goes by the stage name of Dirty took over the stage. A voluptuous, intimidating, beautiful big blond woman. She teased the audience by taking off her dress and hiding behind feathered fans. Just when we thought her piece was over and we weren't going to get anything more, she dropped the fans, took off her top to reveal tassled pasties, and began dancing like mad around the stage. She swung her tassels, did a cartwheel and a split and had the crowd roaring by the time she was finished.
Then came the spank machine. If someone in the audience is celebrating a special occasion, the performers are called up on stage to give out, the "spank machine." The lucky engaged couple last nite was told to crawl beneath the legs of the performers and receive their spankings. At the end of it was me holding a cake with a single candle.
After intermission we opened up the second act with Harvest Moon who does a gorgeous little dance. The topper to her routine? She beckons for a fellow off in the wings to bring her a champagne glass. She balances it on her forehead and slowly drops to her knees and then lays on her back, with glass still sitting there. She lifts her legs up, grabs the glass between her knees and somehow manages to flip around so she's laying on her stomach and her legs have placed the glass perfectly down on the stage...ready for the drinking.
Next up? Well I only know him as Matt, I never did catch his stage name. He enters the stage as a "french" man all in tight fitting black clothing, a beret, moustache and cigarette. He tells a few choice jokes about his "artwork" at the moma and then surprises us with an incredible dance routine set to some interesting french music. The dance is semi spaztic with a touch of ballet and its obvious this guy is a trained dancer with an enormous sense of humor.
Then Lex takes the stage. She's one of my favorites. She captivates the audience with her husky janis like voice as she sings two songs. One of which she wrote herself called "Va Va Voom". She gets the whole audience into it and shows a little leg to keep them wanting more.
The final act is Tigger. He, i mean, she, is one of the more popular acts that comes to the va va. Atleast this is what Ive heard thru the grapevine. She is introduced as the trash of NYC and enters the stage as a highly trashy and drunk Liza Manelli look alike. She slurs a few words to the audience, talking about the good ol' days of NYC when you didnt worry about getting your boobs done and getting the surgery to have your anatomy changed. No no, these were the days of trash. When he began to dance, he revealed his outfit underneath his ratty fur coat to be an I Love NY cut off t-shirt and some newspapers tucked into his g-string. When he finally did reveal the big picture, he had one pasty on his chest, a g-string and the letters NY sharpied onto his butt cheeks.
This is a sad sad explanation of what a nite at the va va can be like. There truly aren't words to describe how fun and entertaining it truly is. All the performers are highly talented and extremely nice. I haven't met one yet who wasn't the sweetest of people. I thoroughly enjoy going there on Saturdays and seeing how it all comes together. There could be corset mishaps, a pasty won't stay on right, perhaps a fake eye lash has gone missing or the cock sock won't stay on. This has got to be the most interesting thing I have done yet. Still not convinced it's one of the best times you have ever had? Then ask the boys who came last nite for the second time who were even more impressed with this performance. It changes weekly so you can keep coming back and you'll always get a new show.
Im almost positive I babbled and typo'd my way through this entry. It's 11am and Im still half asleep. I would apologize but c'est lavi.
Oh, I can't forget, that first line I wrote. That is exactly what some fellas hollered at us as we sat in a cab on our way home and we were stopped at a stop light. It was enormous stretch limo SUV style blasting some terribly 80's music with a ton of synthesizer. Some frat type looking guys leaned out the window and shouted "White boys make some noise." Needless to say, it boggled our minds and took over conversation for the remainder of the ride home.
And now for a new day. Lamp shades? I think so.
I woke up at approximately 10am yesterday morning. My body was in some serious what the hell did you do last nite pain. That's about when I was writing the entry for yesterday. I recalled the nite before when the asst. was getting into a cab (cause she came to the show as well on friday) that she hollered at me "You're going to work tomorrow right?" I said "What? When?" and then her cab drove off.
So I managed to sit around on my tail until about 130 when my "boss" called and told me to go ahead in and make some lampshades. I said fine and waited for my number to come up for the shower. All in all I didn't get there until 330 and I had to leave by 6ish to get home in time to get ready for va va. So after my hour long trip over into williamsburg, since I go back into Manhattan to get there, I arrive at the shop to discover that the order of new material was all wrong. Weeeeeee. So I spent 2 and a half hours making some lamp shades out of the wrong material so she could see that it was, in fact, the wrong material.
Let's jump ahead shall we? So I leave the shop and head home. The boy and I pick up a quick bite to eat and I rest for a while before getting ready for the nite at the fez. Our friend Durky shows up because he's coming with the boy to see the show. Im still pretty exhausted at this point but I manage to work up the energy to get myself dressed and walk out the door. The boys were going to follow up about an hour behind me because I have to get there early of course.
So I get off the train at Bleeker st. and somehow manage to get myself lost. Am I so tired that I can't even find the place that I've worked at twice and walked by a million times? I manage to get myself over on Broadway and then I get angry. How in the hell did I get myself lost. So eventually I bump into a couple cops who point me in the right direction and I finally find the club.
When I arrive, the woman who runs the show is in semi frantic mode saying "we're sold out!" and so Im suddenly thrown into wake the hell up mode and get everything done at hyper speed. I write the show order out on 5 sheets of paper, I hang them up strategically around the backstage area (which also doubles as the permanent employee's locker room space for when they've finished their shift), I get everyone's guest list names and send them to the woman at the door, set up the runway and shim it so it's even and get all the music together in record time.
The house opens and I'm left standing backstage (in the lockeroom) just kind of staring and waiting.
The show finally begins and it was the beginning of an extraordinary evening at the va va voom room. There were what seemed to be a ton of wedding parties there last nite. Atleast two. There were a ton of drunk people and even a heckler. We opened up the evening with a fabulous singer named Diamond who brings back the taste of Harlem as he sings in his three piece suit and chain.
The second act I just haaaaad to get involved in. It was a woman, Stephanie, of whom I'd never met before. When I asked her if she had any props she needed for her performance she said yes and I need you to hold my fake mirror up for me. I think, "swell, that's just where I should be tonite is on stage." So her act comes up and I set up the table and hold up the mirror as miss Stephanie begins getting ready for a nite out. She chooses her perfume, her bracelet and earrings but somehow something's missing. Oh right! The nails that go up her nose! So she grabs a couple 3 inch nails and little tack hammer and whammo, up they go, 2 to each nostril. Im telling you, this is the neatest job I have had by far.
So the third act was Bratwurst, the ukelele playing man child. He wore a cute little kid outfit complete with hat and sang with his ukelele. Turned out this was the boys favorite piece. "Dude! The chicken fucker song was HILARIOUS!" and of course he said this a few more times throughout the rest of the evening as he excelled far past the two drink minimum.
The 4th piece was probably my favorite last nite. A woman who goes by the stage name of Dirty took over the stage. A voluptuous, intimidating, beautiful big blond woman. She teased the audience by taking off her dress and hiding behind feathered fans. Just when we thought her piece was over and we weren't going to get anything more, she dropped the fans, took off her top to reveal tassled pasties, and began dancing like mad around the stage. She swung her tassels, did a cartwheel and a split and had the crowd roaring by the time she was finished.
Then came the spank machine. If someone in the audience is celebrating a special occasion, the performers are called up on stage to give out, the "spank machine." The lucky engaged couple last nite was told to crawl beneath the legs of the performers and receive their spankings. At the end of it was me holding a cake with a single candle.
After intermission we opened up the second act with Harvest Moon who does a gorgeous little dance. The topper to her routine? She beckons for a fellow off in the wings to bring her a champagne glass. She balances it on her forehead and slowly drops to her knees and then lays on her back, with glass still sitting there. She lifts her legs up, grabs the glass between her knees and somehow manages to flip around so she's laying on her stomach and her legs have placed the glass perfectly down on the stage...ready for the drinking.
Next up? Well I only know him as Matt, I never did catch his stage name. He enters the stage as a "french" man all in tight fitting black clothing, a beret, moustache and cigarette. He tells a few choice jokes about his "artwork" at the moma and then surprises us with an incredible dance routine set to some interesting french music. The dance is semi spaztic with a touch of ballet and its obvious this guy is a trained dancer with an enormous sense of humor.
Then Lex takes the stage. She's one of my favorites. She captivates the audience with her husky janis like voice as she sings two songs. One of which she wrote herself called "Va Va Voom". She gets the whole audience into it and shows a little leg to keep them wanting more.
The final act is Tigger. He, i mean, she, is one of the more popular acts that comes to the va va. Atleast this is what Ive heard thru the grapevine. She is introduced as the trash of NYC and enters the stage as a highly trashy and drunk Liza Manelli look alike. She slurs a few words to the audience, talking about the good ol' days of NYC when you didnt worry about getting your boobs done and getting the surgery to have your anatomy changed. No no, these were the days of trash. When he began to dance, he revealed his outfit underneath his ratty fur coat to be an I Love NY cut off t-shirt and some newspapers tucked into his g-string. When he finally did reveal the big picture, he had one pasty on his chest, a g-string and the letters NY sharpied onto his butt cheeks.
This is a sad sad explanation of what a nite at the va va can be like. There truly aren't words to describe how fun and entertaining it truly is. All the performers are highly talented and extremely nice. I haven't met one yet who wasn't the sweetest of people. I thoroughly enjoy going there on Saturdays and seeing how it all comes together. There could be corset mishaps, a pasty won't stay on right, perhaps a fake eye lash has gone missing or the cock sock won't stay on. This has got to be the most interesting thing I have done yet. Still not convinced it's one of the best times you have ever had? Then ask the boys who came last nite for the second time who were even more impressed with this performance. It changes weekly so you can keep coming back and you'll always get a new show.
Im almost positive I babbled and typo'd my way through this entry. It's 11am and Im still half asleep. I would apologize but c'est lavi.
Oh, I can't forget, that first line I wrote. That is exactly what some fellas hollered at us as we sat in a cab on our way home and we were stopped at a stop light. It was enormous stretch limo SUV style blasting some terribly 80's music with a ton of synthesizer. Some frat type looking guys leaned out the window and shouted "White boys make some noise." Needless to say, it boggled our minds and took over conversation for the remainder of the ride home.
And now for a new day. Lamp shades? I think so.
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